If you're having a rough day due to a difficult buyer, here's 12 hilariously awful eBay buyer stories to cheer you up. You'll laugh, you'll roll your eyes and most importantly, you'll realize you aren't alone!  We all get insane buyers at one time or another. Enjoy ~   

1. "JUST WEIGHT A SECOND!": The eBay Queen's Story:

They Purchased a lawn chair, in February 2020

Message from buyer:

I’m contacting you in regards to the above aforementioned item. I received the package it was in fine condition. I open up the box and remove the folding lawnchair. I have two friends come over. if I’m lucky weigh 150 pounds each and they collapsed in the chair. The screws that keeps the chair together in the middle popped out that was very dangerous. I had to help these people up. Fortunately neither was injured.

Please contact me with what you would like to do with regards to this situation. I did not want to leave a bad review on this.

My message

I am so sorry this item is broken. Could you take a photo of the damage?

Message from the Buyer:

No I do not have a camera. Just send me another item. The Corona is going around!

My Message:

I am so sorry this happened to you. We have a 30 day return policy, and I see you purchased this in February. If you would like to return it you can send it to: XXX and we will refund your money.

Message from the Buyer:

Seeing the covid 19 has been around since January, it would kind of you to extend the return policy as well as credit me and send a new 1.

*****************

So she can’t send a photo, and can’t send the item back because of the Corona virus.. but can have friends over to sit in 1 lawn chair not 6ft apart?

2.) "GOD WILL STRIKE YOU DOWN!" mscarlett1450

My crazy buyer kept putting off paying with excuse after excuse. I wasn't in any hurry but after 2 weeks I gave him a date to pay or I would file a UPI (Unpaid Item Dispute) if he didn't pay or request a cancellation by then. I never heard from him until 5 minutes after I filed the dispute. He paid and the crazy emails started and went on for a couple of hours with each one crazier than the last. He threatened me with prayers for divine intervention that would result in my complete and utter destruction. The words "Fire and Brimstone" were actually mentioned.

When I refused to respond the threats turned to the destruction of my item when God would pick it out of the Post Office delivery truck and smash it to pieces. I finally had to call eBay to intervene when he left negative feedback within a few hours of paying.

3.) "RECIEVING BAD FEEDBACK... LITERALLY" Jlhdistributors

I sold a woman some panties. I think there were 6 pair to the package. She received them and I got good fb from her, or so I thought. A week or so later I got a letter in the mail. She was really mad. The panties were in 3 colors. She said the white and shell colors were what I had in the ad, but the Ivory were granny panties. I was surprised because they were all the same style and I had gotten good fb. Well it turns out her husband would not let her give me bad fb because he said she got just what she ordered. Because he would not let her give bad fb he gave me the fb instead. She said she was so mad that she had to let me know that she hated what I had done to her and so she had to sneak and wrote me a letter saying how awful I was.

4.) "AT WAR WITH A BUYER"  Misterfenwick

One of my craziest buyer stories was a guy claiming in negative feedback that I sent him a broken item and rigged it where it shot plastic shrapnel which imbedded into his face when he opened the package, the thing is I never shipped him anything, I eventually got this bozo banned after contacting other people he had burned, he also said something about how I should be in a mental institution in the negative feedback as well.

5.) "THIS LOTION SMELLS LIKE HATE" Anonymous Poster on eBay Forum

Had a buyer contact me about a face cream, stated she did not like the smell of it and to quote "the scent in it made her angry and the energy is way off". Told her no problem, I take returns - I emailed a prepaid return label and you can return for a refund.

She emailed me back, demands to know what scent I added to the cream. I respond, I have added nothing, please just use label to return for full refund.

She emails me again, I tried to add to my own scent to it but it is not overriding the scent and to quote “this scent has thrown off my chakras”.

6.) "WHY DID YOU CHARGE ME?" sockmonkeydave

I had quantity seven of the same item, buyer bought all 7. Then he opens a claim, he thought he was getting all 7 for the price of one.

7.) "I NEED IT SHIPPED USING THE 2015 LIMITED EDITION BARAK OBAMA POSTAGE STAMPS.  IF YOU DON'T HAVE THOSE, DO YOU HAVE THE SUMMER 2019 BIRD COLLECTION?"  myboardid

He wanted me to use specific stamps in specific denominations on his package - a gift for his son - because he was a stamp collector. The stamps totaled much higher $$$ than the actual shipping would have cost. I refused because I intended to ship the item by UPS instead of mail because it was a much lower cost. When I would not bend to his demands, he never paid for the item at all.

8.) "NOW MY DAUGHTER NEEDS THERAPY!!" southernbelleboutique

I once sold a Hollie Hobbie baby blanket. The pictures were VERY clear that this was a 1 way design, meaning all of the heads were upright top to bottom, not scattered about in different angles or directions. Get a message from buyer:

"I would like to return this blanket. When you turn the blanket sideways, the print is sideways. I bought this for my daughter's first birthday present and just wanted her to be happy and she is clearly not happy. I would like to return for a refund so I can buy her something that will take away her sadness and make her happy again."

9.) "HELLO, I'D LIKE TO BOOK A DISPUTE AT 12PM, PLEASE."  reallynicestamps

My nuttiest buyer was early in my selling career:

I offered a book called "Pull Up Your Easel' -- a guide to learning how to paint.  The product image showed the book, called "Pull Up Your Easel" on a literal easel.  (Back then we had to PAY for product images!)

The buyer purchased but didn't remit payment.

A few weeks went by-- this was before Paypal, even before Billpoint I think, so I was waiting for the personal check.

I opened a Unpaid Item Dispute.

He screamed in emails about false advertising because it was not an easel, but a book... he insisted what he wanted was the easel, not the book... yet he still had not paid me for anything at all.  So the transaction was canceled. 

I relisted the book and it was purchased, then, almost immediately, I was contacted by this individual who went by another name and email address.  Their email was more drooling anger about how evil I was to expect her to pay. Transaction was canceled.  Book relisted. 

Sold again, followed by a demand that the book be mailed immediately without payment.  This one from a male name, different address. Still no payment by the way.  Transaction canceled; book relisted AGAIN. 

Another purchase, got another demand for shipment, with no payment, but back to the first name.

And then the second name left a negative feedback. - It was a long time ago, and that was possible. Many newer eBay sellers do not understand how much eBay has changed since then!

So I phoned and showed the customer rep the emails-- even though they were not supposed to consider them -- and the neg, the emails and the customer's account all disappeared.

He/she/ it is still on my Blocked Bidder List!!!

10.) "MY DAD PAINTED THE ART YOU HAVE LISTED!" cheechwizard

I had a buyer recently claim they were the daughter of an artist which I happened to have a framed piece representing his work currently listed. She went on to tell me she had Lyme Disease and was financially strapped, but had been looking for years for this particular print due to sentimental value...

Like most sellers, I want to profit from my time and effort I have spent listing and selling my items, but I also have a heart.  Fast forward a few days:  We strike a deal which allows me to break even, but she also wants it out of the frame to save on shipping. I go on to explain the art has been dry mounted so removing it from the frame will lower the weight but not change the overall package dimensions by much.

Next thing from her, she's telling me the dry mounting removes the value of the investment and wants to cancel our deal... Ok, I'm good with that, I don't believe anyone should go forward with a transaction when it seems you're not going to be happy right out of the chute...  but in my last reply I had to state... "But I thought this transaction was about a work of art by your father you'd been looking for years, not a financial investment?"  - No reply.

11.)  "I NEED WHAT YOU DON'T HAVE!!!!"  Reddit Poster

I have a multi-variation listing for a jacket, with size Extra Small or Small, no other sizes.  The buyer must use the menu to pick which of those two sizes they want. 
At 7am this morning, someone buys an Extra Small jacket.
At 10am, I mark it as "shipped" and provide tracking.

The buyer waits until 9pm, then sends me: "I need Medium size, but it said you don't have any. Send Medium not Extra Small. Thanks"

12.)  "MY LIFE IS A COUNTRY SONG"  Resale Dojo on YouTube - this might be the FUNNIEST "sob story" I have ever heard (you can skip ahead to the 1:19 minute mark if you want):

Love this blog post?  Next read:  Resellers: 28 Funny Ways to Respond to Online HATERS and Trolls (PART 2)