Previously we discussed how to respond to utterly insane buyers, but not every rude buyer is a psycho buyer.  Sometimes they're just super friggin' rude.  Reality is: you can’t reason with the unreasonable and you cant make logic out of the illogical. Being sarcastic or snooty back will only stir up hours, days or even weeks worth of back-and-forth wasted time and energy and may even land you a bad feedback. With that in mind, here’s a list of quick replies you can use to attempt to extinguish the fire:

IRRATIONALLY UPSET BUYERS

There’s nothing you can say to make an irrational buyer happy so the best thing you can do is “understand and acknowledge” them. Personally, I always suggest adding a smiley face emoji after the reply because an irrational buyer is going to automatically think that you are being rude, so, by adding a :) they realize you are “sincere” (....yes, it’s really stupid. I agree with you on this)

- Thank you for your suggestions!

- I will consider that for the future!

- Thank you so much for the advice!

- Oh my goodness, I appreciate you bringing this to my attention.

- I understand this is a frustrating issue. I look forward to resolving it!

- I am so sorry that this inconvenienced you.

- I will immediately provide these suggestions to my web designer / tech support / the mail carrier / my employees and hopefully they can find a fix quickly so this does not occur again!

- It sounds like you have had an awful week and I apologize that this issue made it even worse. Your business means the world to me and I appreciate you taking the time to tell me all about it.

- When people like you bring issues like this to my attention it allows me to learn from my mistakes. Thanks a mill!

THE PROBLEM IS YOUR FAULT

If the problem is because of your wrong-doing, such as shipping the wrong item, the item breaking in transit due to poor packaging or maybe you totally forgot to ship it, here's a handful of replies that will diffuse the situation:

- Repeat business is very important to me. I want you to be a happy buyer.

- I will do everything within my power to ensure that this does not happen again.

- I am so sorry you have to deal with this.

- I truly understand your frustration and the inconvenience you are dealing with and I apologize for this.

- Wow! That does sound like a terrible experience. I want to assure you that it is my goal to provide the best merchandise / service / shipping possible.

- I wish you didn’t have to suffer through this. I will do whatever I can to make sure this doesn’t occur again.

USPS / MAIL CARRIER MISTAKES

I think out of all the types of rude buyers these ones irritate me the most because their issue is with the carrier, yet they choose to scream, scold or snap at you.  

- Oh no! I am so sorry the post office did not treat your parcel with care. I will immediately file a complaint for you. It would help a lot if you can also file a complaint. You can do so here: https://www.usps.com/help/contact-us.htm

- Oh my gosh. I feel so bad that you have been dealing with this. I wish I had control over the mail carriers actions however I don’t.

- I’m sorry this parcel is taking so long to arrive. I will launch a Missing Mail Search for you today. Please let me kow if it does not arrive by ___(5 days from now)____”

- Wow! That does sound like a terrible experience. I want to assure you that it is my goal to provide the best merchandise / service / shipping possible. 

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