Guess what time it is, kids? YES, it’s time for another installment of our famous “Battle of Buyer Sob Stories”; a fun blog post where we scour the internet to find outrageous sob stories that sellers have received, then we compare them to decide which Sob Story is the best. Here’s how it works:  

THE POINT SYSTEM

We judge each Sob Story based on only two criteria: Creativity and Believability.

Creativity: The buyer will earn a score of 1 through 5 points, based on how creative and unique their Sob Story is. 5 points equals the most creative sob story. 1 point is equivalent to a run-of-the-mill, common Sob Story that every seller hears, such as "I'm broke".

The Believability score is awarded as an additional 1 - 5 points based on how likely it is that the seller will believe their story AND give them a discount (or freebie of some kind) after hearing the story.

The maximum amount of points a buyer Sob Story can get is 10, meaning it’s super believable and creative AND the seller may indeed give the buyer a discount. The least amount of points a Sob Story can earn is 2, meaning the buyer absolutely is not getting a discount and may even end up blocked.

Enjoy ~

SOB STORY #1   Items Price: $13

Highlights:

• Birthday
• Ignored by Loved One
• Twin
• No Job
• Broke
• $2

SUMMARY: If you can’t read the image above, the buyer is asking if the seller will drop the price down, from $13 to “$2 or FREE” and the reason the buyer feels she is entitled to the free item is due to having a forgetful twin brother, not being able to find a job and therefore having no money. Additionally, the buyer expects the freebie because it is her birthday and her bro didn’t get her a gift.

POINT SCORE: We are rating this sob story a 2/10. The reason we score this so low is because in 2022 there are more jobs than working-age people.  In fact, businesses are being forced to close or cut back their hours because they can’t find staff. In fact, Hershey's chocolate is unable to produce enough chocolate for Valentines Day 2022 due to lack of employees. White Castle is now offering $18 starting pay for an entry level position. There is seriously no way to claim “nobody is hiring”. On top of that, having your brother forget your birthday is not an acceptable reason for a stranger to give you their hard-earned item for free "or $2". In a nutshell, this sob story is kind of offensive to an online seller because being given an ultimatum of "$2 or Free" is enough to make any seller perturbed. 

SOB STORY #2      Items Price: $13

Highlights:

• House Fire
• Birthday
• Possible Racism
• Dead Pets
• Suicidal

SUMMARY: If you can’t read the sob story above, it’s one heck of a tale that essentially claims that, on their birthday their home burned down (which could have been due to a hate crime) and during the blazing fire their cats were trapped inside, along with their belongings. This awful situation has left them devastated and contemplating suicide.

POINT SCORE: 6/10. WAIT, before you yell at me for giving this such a high score, let me point out that this is the first time I have EVER heard “my house burned down on my birthday” in addition to the pets dying, which means we are forced to give it a high score for Creativity. However, in terms of believability it’s scoring only 1 point. The reason for a single Believability point is that the seller of this item specializes in “Mystery Boxes” of random assorted yarn and sewing patterns. I think we can all agree that if someone just lost their entire life, they likely would not be purchasing a Mystery Box of crafting supplies.

SOB STORY #3: Items Price Unknown

Highlights:

• Coworker
• Birthday
• Star Wars
• Broke
• Donation

SUMMARY: This dude has a coworker that doesn’t drink alcohol but likes to wear a whiskey themed hat, which makes this potential buyer believe that the coworker may like Star Wars (yes, you read that correctly). BUT, according to the buyer, the problem is that it’s Whiskey-Hat’s birthday and he has no money to buy a gift, so therefore the seller should send it out for free.

POINTS TOTAL: 4/10 This sob story is so annoying but none-the-less, it's semi-creative and somewhat believable. It's one of those stories that are so stupid, it might be true.  BUT, this story seems like the potential buyer is trying to score himself a free Star Wars pin because why would a coworker who wear a whiskey hat want a star wars pin to go on it?  The logic is lost on me. 

THE WINNER:

The winner of our Battle of Sob Stories Birthday Edition goes to Suicidal House Burned Down on Birthday.  Congratulations, lady! Although you didn't get the $13 item for free you won this competition.  

Love Sob Stories?  Read All of Our Sob Story Battles!