If you're an online BUYER you won't understand this post, but if you're an online SELLER, this might be the best article you have ever read because we have all put up with this stuff!  Enjoy our rant ~

1. Asking a question that is answered directly in the listing:

2. Asking for random details that don't even matter, “Can you look on the manufacturers tag and see what percentage of cotton is in the lining of the $10 gloves you have listed?”

3. Asking why the tracking number they literally just received “isn’t working”.  

4. Asking the seller to “make sure the parcel is put by my side door, not in my mail box”... as if the seller is personally driving the $13 tank top across the USA and hand-delivering it to you

5. Not everything is a “Best Offer”. If the listing does not welcome “offers” you should assume the price listed is the price.

6. Offering totally insulting “Best Offers”. 

7. Complaining about the price. "Why is this $18.99? These were only $9.99 at the Semi Annual Sale last year!"

8. Sob Stories: 

• My wife is in the hospital
• I just lost my mother
• I was recently diagnosed with cancer
• I am taking care of sick relatives
• I am homebound due to diabetes
• My husband was unexpectedly fired from his career only 12 days before retirement
• My daughter is a multiple amputee due to a rock climbing accident and she also has multiple sclerosis which makes her rheumatoid arthritis even worse so now her skin is covered in rash and she's swollen up like a pumpkin and it's so hard to fit her through a doorway. Our medical bills are adding up and since our house was burned down in a fire then the second house we moved to was washed away in a flood we are hanging on by a thread.  We are so broke we can't even afford thread!

…. YES, WE DO FEEL BAD FOR YOU….but the blouse is still $19.99. 

We are not trying to be awful people but please remember that this is our job and we have to put food on the table too.  Everyone, including online sellers, have a sob story, but at the end of the day, business is business... and if you were diagnosed with a disease and only have 2 months left to live, buying a pair of yoga pants probably shouldn't be your first priority. 

9. Complaining about the item that is listed… if you don’t like it, simply don’t buy it!  Nobody is forcing you to look at a listing for a purple computer mouse. 

10. Asking for even more measurements. "Can you tell me how long the sleeve is, measured from the center of the arm pit to the wrist?  Can you lay the pants flat and measure the width of the knee area?" - It's not that we don't want to help you, it's just that there's only so many hours in the day and taking the time to get the necklace back out, find the tape measure, measure the size of each bead then send you a spreadsheet with all the details simply is not productive for us. 

11. Expecting USED items to be NEW.  "It looks washed!!" - Well no sh*t, it's a vintage Nirvana World Tour tee. If you wanted a brand new Nirvana World Tour tee you should have showed up in Seattle on November 9th, 1992.

12. Asking for shipping methods the seller does not offer.  "I know shipping is free through USPS but if I buy it right now can you bring it to a FedEx store tonight and overnight it because I really want this white bath towel to arrive tomorrow!" 

13. Peppering the seller with questions; as soon as the seller answers one question, you ask another, then another, then more… It's a friggin' Vanilla Scented Yankee votive Candle. We didn't invent it and we don't know the molecular composition of it.  

14. Contacting the seller through all different channels. If you have a question about a product, common sense is to contact the seller where the product is listed. If the individual sells on eBay, ask the questions through eBay, not Instagram. When you ask questions about your order through alternative channels it creates more work for the seller.

15. Asking for even more photos. "Can you take some close-up pics of the fabric? Can you take a photo of what the inside of the hoodie looks like? Can you send some photos of the stitching? Can you take a photo of the front and back side of the manufacturers tags? Ingredients label?"

16. Asking questions that the seller simply can’t answer; "Hello! I’m 5’1” and 240 pounds. Will this skirt fit me comfortably? Is this blouse fair trade?"

17. Contacting without any form of question. Yes, simply saying “Hello” to an online seller may seem very polite but please keep in mind that most sellers work alone and try to respond to every inquiry super fast, so your “hello” is interrupting their dinner or bath... I know I probably sound like such a rotten person to complain about a bath being disrupted, but a lot of online sellers are stay at home parents and the only 20 minutes of peace they get is the bath so replying to "Hello!" with "Hi. Did you have a question? How can I help you?" is a waste of peace. Now if you have an actual question, why not say “Hello! I was wondering (insert question here)” this way the seller can get your greeting and assist you in one quick reply… then go back to enjoying the warm water.

18. Forcing the seller to decipher your inquiry.

Some of the communications we get are so poorly written that we have no clue what the buyer is asking. Sometimes the question is in a different language and so poorly written that even Google Translate can’t figure it out!  What exactly do you expect the seller to do with gibberish?  Yesterday we had an inquiry on Facebook, written in Arabic (I think). Google Translates best guess was “What are insects?”. After telling this person we do not understand the question they sent a different question in what appeared to be Russian. Googles best prediction for this one was “Meatballs are well”. = 20 minutes of my life I will never get back, LOL.

19. Asking for the seller to provide delivery so you don't have to wait on shipping. Come on now, this is just obnoxious!  I'm sure you're a super nice person, but NO, we are NOT going to drive the merchandise across the USA to you this evening... or ever. Sorry.

20. Asking for pickup when pickup isn’t offered. Most online sellers work from home. Trust me, they don’t want you coming to their door because that’s just creepy.  

21. Asking the seller to "HOLD" an item for you because you "don't get paid until Friday", you're "Waiting on your tax returns" or "There was an issue with the bank but it should be fixed by Wednesday".  Hear me out on this; if you genuinely want it to be held, offer the seller a 50% NON REFUNDABLE DEPOSIT because 99.999% of people who want items held are time-wasting flakes.  When a seller "holds" an item they are missing out on REAL buyers who actually want it and will pay for it right now.

22. Asking for BOGO Deals because Best Buy is doing it.

An online seller has absolutely NO association with Best Buy. Even though Best Buy is offering Buy-1-Get-1 phone chargers, the online seller isn’t. If you want the BOGO, drive yourself to Best Buy.

23. Asking for coupons and discounts. If the seller is offering a discount you can use the discount. Some eBay sellers do offer “Buy 4 Get 5% Off” (or whatever). If there’s not a discount listed then there isn’t an extra discount available.

24. Complaining about the mail carrier. The online seller can’t control is USPS didn’t scan it for a day. The seller has no control over what time the parcel arrives. The eBay seller has no idea if your mail carrier set it in your mailbox or by the side of your house. These are all questions you should ask the actual carrier (USPS, UPS, FED EX)

25. Wanting to know more and more and more about the sellers life.  Pet free home? Smoke free home? Peanut free home?  Was the used cardigan always washed in organic laundry soap? Have any chemicals been applied to the fabric at any point?  Is there any odor?  Has it been in contact with any form of shellfish, ever?  - Not trying to be mean here, but seriously, you should probably consider buying it brand new from Kohls instead of off Poshmark if your life hangs in the balance. 

26. TYPING IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE YOU THINK THE SELLER WILL JUMP FASTER TO HELP YOU BECAUSE YOU KNOW HOW TO USE THE CAPSLK KEY ON YOUR KEYBOARD AND YOU ARE ALSO MAD BECAUSE DELIVERY SAID TODAY BY 8PM AND IT'S NOW 8:15 AND THE PARCEL STILL HASN'T SHOWN UP!! - Actually, it’s just harder to read and comes across rude.  We read your email just fine if you type normal.  TYPING IN ALL CAPS DOESN'T GET YOU A FASTER RESPONSE, I PROMISE. 

27. Telling the seller how they should be running their business. If the listing says the items ship Monday, Weds and Fri, the seller has chosen these days because it works best for them. They ARE aware that the week also contains Tuesdays and Thursdays. Trust me, they don’t need you to inform them of this.  Again, if the sellers shipping schedule doesn't work for you then you should probably order through a different seller who can meet your needs. 

28. Outright harassing the seller. If you tell the seller on Monday that you think the parcel is “lost” and the seller launches an investigation through USPS, it takes several days for the investigation to be complete. Yelling at the seller on Tuesday at 5am then again at 9am because the parcel still hasn’t arrived is a waste of everyone's time and energy. The simple solution is to thank the seller for quickly filing the investigation paperwork and to wait patiently for 3-5 days while the carrier looks for your parcel.  And please don't forget to thank the seller when their extra work helped the carrier locate your parcel. I guarantee you that the seller wants you to have the parcel even more than you want the parcel. 

29. Breaking the merchandise because you have “Buyers Remorse” (AKA: “Mind Change”). The seller knows they didn’t ship you the shirt with a gaping hole in the center. If you accidentally sliced through it while opening the parcel, this is, unfortunately, your fault. Take the L and buy another one… this time be more careful opening it.

30. Lying about the item(s) to try to scam free stuff. Most sellers have some form of inventory system. When you tell the seller they “Forgot” to ship you the $100 Tommy Hilfiger polo, they can easily look and see if this is true.

31. Extortion Tactics: Threatening Bad Feedback, Disputes or Chargebacks so you can keep the item and get refunded

It is common for a seller to ask for their merchandise back before issuing a refund. Letting you keep it and also getting a refund is not usually realistic, no matter how loud you scream. 

32. Waiting until after it ships to report an address typo, then expecting the seller to "fix it!".  A seller is not your personal assistant.  Sometimes you will have to do some work on your own to correct your own mistakes. 

33. Comparing the seller to Amazon.  Just because Amazon does something doesn't mean a stay-at-home-dad working out of his 3rd floor apartment can do the same.  

34. Lying to the seller about your cooperation. If you claim the parcel never arrived and the seller asks you to please ask the carrier where they put it, lying to the seller doesn’t help them aid you. If the seller asks you to check with the front desk at your complex to see if they have the parcel, quickly replying "They said no" is completely unhelpful.  If you claim the parcel arrived damaged but refuse to send photos, how can you expect to get assistance?  The seller lives states (or even counties!) away from you; HELP THEM, HELP YOU!

35. Demanding a refund. Instead of screaming about a refund, just explain what the issue is. As mentioned, almost all sellers are happy to make you repeat buyer.

36. Shipping back the wrong item on purpose. Do you have any idea how hard that seller worked to afford to INVEST in that North Face coat to resell to pay their electric bill? How do you sleep at night knowing you shipped them back a $1.59 thrift store hoodie?

37. Blowing up the sellers email because they didn’t respond fast enough. There’s very little that is more annoying that a buyer sending a question at 7am and while you are typing the reply, at 7:03, another message appears in your inbox from the same person that says “????” followed by "Not sure if you're getting my messages!"

38. Refusing to LOOK. "Can you send me all the links to your Victorias Secret listings? Can you send me the photos? How much are all these things? What size?" … JUST LOOK!!  USE YOUR EYE BALLS AND LOOOOOOKKKK!!

39. Asking if the seller is an “Authorized Dealer”. MOST marketplace sellers are not Authorized Dealers but they are legally allowed to sell the merchandise they are listing. If you only want to buy through an “Authorized ADIDAS Dealer” then drive yourself to a ADIDAS store and pay full price.

40. Asking “When will it ship?” when the listing (or website) very clearly says when it will ship

41. Blindsiding the seller with a dispute / chargeback without ever even mentioning anything was wrong. 

42. "What's the lowest you can go if I buy the $4 headband AND the $6 napkins?" Bro, it’s not even $20! The seller isn’t a charity!

43. Speaking of “Charity”, asking for donations from the sellers inventory isn’t cool.

Here’s the problem with this:

Online sellers get hit with donation requests all the time. We receive no less than 2 per week, every week of the year, and during the holiday season it’s not uncommon for us to get 1 request per day. The thing is, none of these requests come from REAL 501(c)(3)s. To put it in simple terms, a 501c3 is an “actual” non profit organization (AKA: charity). When we donate to 501c3s our accountant can itemize this on our financial statements so all of our business records make sense; we even get a receipt for exactly what we donated. But above and beyond that, 99% of the requests we get are from random people who have decided they want to do something they consider to be “helpful”. These people typically have not done any research and do not realize there is already a 501c3 in their area who is already doing exactly what they are doing. SO, if you want to get inventory donations for a cause that is close to your heart, please seek out a local 501c3 THEN start sending out emails asking businesses to send you their products for free. If you are asking for donations of products or money and you are NOT a 501c3 you are likely going to get little-to-nothing because businesses must keep pristine financial records; we simply cannot claim we “gave away a bunch of stuff to a random cause that is not an actual charity”... if we did this the IRS would audit us with a quickness!

44. International Buyers: WE CAN NOT FALSIFY YOUR CUSTOMS FORMS! First, it’s a literal CRIME. Second, if we say it is only worth $1 and the parcel is LOST, we are only able to recover $1... then you're going to demand a full refund from us for the $75 you paid plus the $45 shipping because it never arrived.  It's a total loss on our end!

45. Sending us a novel-worth of an inquiry. It’s not that we don’t enjoy learning about our buyers, just please get to the point a little quicker.  

46. Asking for payment methods that are not offered. Sorry, we can’t wait for you to send a Money Gram. No, we don’t offer financing through Behalf. If you want financing please use Pay Pal financing which is something WE ACTUALLY OFFER!!!!!

47. Comparing new authentic item prices to authentic used item prices or even Fake-from-China item prices.  "Why are your Prada Glasses $70?  They're only $20 at the flea market!"

48. Complaints about the shipping cost when the shipping cost is clearly stated in the listing.  Yes dude, it ACTUALLY COSTS $17.99 to ship your crap in a large flat rate.  That is the price and if the seller is buying bubble wrap and air pockets it might be more!  If you don’t like what you're watching, change the channel!!!

49. Trying to Debate You on Your Listing stating Signature is Required:

“I know your listing says I have to be home to sign for it but I have to work”...”no, I can’t have it shipped to my work”...”no, I can’t have it shipped to anyone else's house who will be home to sign for it”... “I don’t drive so I can’t get to the post office to sign for it”...”but I really do want to buy it!”

50.WE SAVED THE MOST ANNOYING FOR LAST ….

Contacting the seller through their PERSONAL accounts or private phone number. Just because you find a seller on Facebook or you obtain their number through eBay / Pay Pal doesn’t give you the right to contact them outside of the marketplace! 

NEXT, Read "HOW TO RESPOND TO UNWANTED BUSINESS ADVICE without Burning Bridges!"